Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize