Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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