Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
