Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
