Plan B is the new Plan A
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
