Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I have fence marks all over my body
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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