haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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