Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
