dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
