I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
