i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Randomize
