you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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