i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
