Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
