I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
