This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
