I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
