Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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