I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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