My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
