Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize