apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
you never un-have a 4some
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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