Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
