i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We are two peas in an std pod
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There r osticjed everywhere
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
