We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize