I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
