so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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