in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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