I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize