Three words: puerto rican gang bang
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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