I want to have your abortion
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
