btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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