Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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