Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
