also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
