Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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