youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We have started to decorate penises.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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