we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
