I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
