bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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