Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
