Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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