please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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