And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Randomize
