Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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