Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
