your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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