so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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