I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize