where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
