My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i out mim tonsoeep
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize