No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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