I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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