Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
