Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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