At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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