I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
