What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
