I'm going to jail i love you
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
