Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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