I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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