ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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