There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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