Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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