I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Two words: blizzard sex
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
