So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
